Talk:Gas Mask Maid/@comment-36561313-20190626224807
Ok, as best as I can, I'm just going to list all of the issues I currently see with this character How The Character Looks Here are some of the things I personally believe the creator could change about the particular aesthetics that they've decided to implement on their character. '- The Gas Mask'. I'm not feeling it. Because from what I've read on the page it doesn't explain why she wears or needs a gas mask. So, it only seems to me that the gas mask is not needed, other than to make their OC look "cool". Which is kind of a bad idea if you're only going to attempt at making your OC 'unique' and 'quirky'. I also would like to point out is that you run out of breath very quickly while wearing a gas mask, especially if it has a functioning filter on it. So, running is practically impossible for this OC to do before they're huffing wind while they're on their knees. What would be a plausible explanation for the gas mask is that this OC's method of killing is using an airborne poison on her victims. I mean, not only would that be so epic and badass, but it would also fit the gas mask theme. '- The Maid Costume'. Not a big fan of the maid thing they've got going on. Okay, dresses are highly inefficient. It's long and it poofs out, which is never good or practical in any situation. Because it'll end up getting caught on stuff and overall its harder to run and fight in a dress. Ok, since this character is obviously entirely circled around the two things that I'm not a big fan of (the gas mask and the maid outfit) because they chose them for aesthetic purposes instead of utilitarian purposes. As you can clearly see by the name of the character. And from the way I see it, these are just the two of the things the creator really likes and so they just wanted to add it in with their character, without thinking about the realistic interpretation of it. Two-Dimensional and Cliche Personality Alright, this OC's personality is classic Creepypasta sh*t. The whole- "Aww, she's really nice, gentle and sweet, but she's also f*cking crazy". I don't like this kind of build, it's populated by really bad Creepypastas like Clockwork and Voicebox, and it's incredibly stupid. When you make your OC have a personality you can't just make a split-personality like that, they're either 'this certain trait' or they're 'this certain trait'. There's no in-between. I mean, unless she's has a particular disorder which affects the way she behaves around people, like Borderline Personality Disorder or Dissociative Personality Disorder. Or even if she's sociopathic and that's why she covers up her cruel and ruthless nature. Because people who are sociopaths commonly fake charisma, friendliness, and empathy to fit in with the common population. But if she isn't sociopathic, pick one or the other and stick with it. Don't go for the typical and cliche personality of what's currently been written for her. The "Weaknesses" "She has a pneumonia (This made her cough up blood, difficulty breathing, pain in the chest and weakness.)" You know that pneumonia doesn't stick around forever, it's practically just a minor sickness that you get for a few weeks, or maybe a few months possibly (depends on the severity), but it's not some kind of lifelong illness that'll make you cripple. "Hitting a wall or tree (She may lose consciousness after hitting.)" That's a weakness everyone has! So, is being a human a weakness for her? Ok, if you as a''' human being', get slammed into something really hard there's a high chance you'll get knocked out from it. ''"Falling in water (She can drown after hitting the waves or falling.)" Well yeah, if you fall in water you also have a chance of drowning. Again, that's not a weakness. None of these are weaknesses. The "Strengths" "She communicates perfectly with cold weapons."' Wait, whaaa...First of all, how do you talk to 'cold weapons'? Secondly, what is even a 'cold weapon'? I think the proper term you might be looking for is melee weapons, but still, you can't talk to those either. "She is agility, so she easily dodges from any punches and fists."' Lol, you do realize that other characters can be faster'' and stronger than her, right? Or even if they're trained in hand-to-hand combat? Like, if you take a character that's had military or martial arts training were to fight her, I can gaurantee they'd still be able to definitely land a few punches and probably beat the crap of out her. You don't just automatically know how to move fast or dodge any kind of attack from being aglie. ''"She is very attentive, so she knows perfectly well where the victim is hiding." I believe that's just called being a psychic. Okay, all of these strengths, fix them. The Backstory The entire backstory is relatively cliche enough to just say re-write it. Come up with new ideas. Sure, you can keep the wealthy family thing, you can keep the characters, but just find something a little more creative. Like, something that hasn't been done before or something that hasn't been done very much. Because this has been done WAY too much to the point where it's now obnoxious. Also, it'd be a real bonus if you could remove the unnecessary and forced rape and attempted suicide, too. But overall, the story is pretty simplistic, a little bit cliche, and a lot of the ideas have just been done before many, many times. My final thoughts. Right now, there's really only ONE thing I like about this OC, and it's the artwork made to show us what she looks like. It's pretty nice, a great artist! Good job. What I would personally suggest is just entirely re-working the character as a whole. Like, the backstory is cliche, her personality is two-dimensional, etc.